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Susta Psycheifies

I never asked

I never asked you to give birth to me.
I never asked you to take “care” of me.
I never asked you to “raise” me.
I didn’t feel like I deserved every slap and every slur as a kid.
I never felt like I deserve it even now.
I’ve never heard you say you love me.
You never even congratulated me when I accomplished something.
I was and am only a tool.
A trophy you wanted to display but turned out to be so disappointing you stopped. You never did.
You’ve never had anything nice to say.
I only heard and learned mean things from you.
You easily condemn.
You easily close your mind.
You never gave someone the opportunity to explain their side.
I was never happy in my twenty years of life.
You were one of the biggest reason why that was.
Being the best was what mattered to you.
I even lost my first best friend because of so much pressure from you.
I never wanted to be the best.
I never wished to that’s why I didn’t try.
What mattered to me was that I grow.
I learned I wanted to reap what I sow.
Everyday for six years I wished I didn’t exist.
Six years after I wish that wish would come true.
The only things that are making me happy and unblue.
The very things you want to get rid of.
Your sense of responsibility has its limit.
I was able to see that for three years.
You remember that time, when you brought home a puppy?
No, you don’t. It was my fault after all.
I was scared of dogs before her, didn’t you know that?
They’re what makes up most of my happiness now. Now you want that gone, too?
And you wonder why I don’t respect you?
You lie, you cheat, you steal.
You never gave us a chance.
You put us behind steel.
I’m tired of your lies. I’m done with you cheating. I will expose your dealings.
Were not money making machines who spew money whenever you want to.
I won’t give you a cent. I really don’t want to.
Call me ungrateful.
Call me all the horrible things you could muster.
I don’t care.
You don’t deserve it. You never did.
I’m done with you.

I can’t just ignore something that ticks me off. I’m a walking time bomb.
Susta

http://shane-koyczan-poems.tumblr.com/post/77368923817/youll-live-youll-live-thats-what-my

shane-koyczan-poems:

You’ll Live

“You’ll live”. That’s what my grandmother would say to me, for every skinned knee or broken bone, for every time I’d come home with new bruises tattooed on my back in blue and black ink, for every kitchen sink surgery where she would have to stitch me back together, for everyday I…

“You’ll live”. That’s what my grandmother would say to me, for every skinned knee or broken bone, for every time I’d come home with new bruises tattooed on my back in blue and black ink, for every kitchen sink surgery where she would have to stitch me back together, for everyday I ever spent getting over being under the weather she’d smile and say, “you’ll live”.

I feel miserable again. How do I get a hold of my life if something as spontaneous as this keep on happening. One moment I’m living in bliss then melancholic the next. It’s so exhausting. Sometimes I’m afraid of just blowing up. Books, music, even friends, aren’t working anymore. In fact, sometimes its what’s pulling me deeper into the abyss. Faking it is not working anymore either. I feel like it’s making it worse sometimes. I just have to keep on reminding myself to hold on.

WUT

I don’t exactly know what I’m supposed to do here @_@
Porque
Porque
Porque

So~

My best friend’s (Kim Quintana) dance group placed 2nd (which is AWESOME btw)~

Haven’t seen her in such a long time~

Glad she was doing something she really, really loves and makes her happy~

So happy for her and her group :3

And, I miss her so much~ 

Hopefully, we get to see each other again and hang out and watch a movie or two or three and have a laugh~ that’s a lot of “ands” I can’t even. ugh.lol


“I’m here today because I am gay. And because maybe I can make a difference. To help others have an easier and more hopeful time. Regardless, for me, I feel a personal obligation and a social responsibility. I also do it selfishly, because I am tired of hiding and I am tired of lying by omission. I suffered for years because I was scared to be out. My spirit suffered, my mental health suffered and my relationships suffered.”  Ellen Page comes out (x)


Good for you, Ellen!

“I’m here today because I am gay. And because maybe I can make a difference. To help others have an easier and more hopeful time. Regardless, for me, I feel a personal obligation and a social responsibility. I also do it selfishly, because I am tired of hiding and I am tired of lying by omission. I suffered for years because I was scared to be out. My spirit suffered, my mental health suffered and my relationships suffered.”  Ellen Page comes out (x)


Good for you, Ellen!

“I’m here today because I am gay. And because maybe I can make a difference. To help others have an easier and more hopeful time. Regardless, for me, I feel a personal obligation and a social responsibility. I also do it selfishly, because I am tired of hiding and I am tired of lying by omission. I suffered for years because I was scared to be out. My spirit suffered, my mental health suffered and my relationships suffered.”  Ellen Page comes out (x)


Good for you, Ellen!

“I’m here today because I am gay. And because maybe I can make a difference. To help others have an easier and more hopeful time. Regardless, for me, I feel a personal obligation and a social responsibility. I also do it selfishly, because I am tired of hiding and I am tired of lying by omission. I suffered for years because I was scared to be out. My spirit suffered, my mental health suffered and my relationships suffered.”  Ellen Page comes out (x)


Good for you, Ellen!

“I’m here today because I am gay. And because maybe I can make a difference. To help others have an easier and more hopeful time. Regardless, for me, I feel a personal obligation and a social responsibility. I also do it selfishly, because I am tired of hiding and I am tired of lying by omission. I suffered for years because I was scared to be out. My spirit suffered, my mental health suffered and my relationships suffered.”
 Ellen Page comes out (x)

Good for you, Ellen!

(Source: missdontcare-x)

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